Could It Be … SEITAN?

Friday morning I woke up with a need for something involving chocolate and bananas - and I had 2 hours to get to a meeting on time. It was one of those weeks. Yeah. So, my mission was clear: The World’s Fastest Banana Bread. I ‘used’ the Lower Fat Banana Bread recipe from Veganomicon, but it would be a shame to credit this loaf to Isa and Terry because I didn’t have any time for measurements. Only time for eatin’. So this bread didn’t turn out quite how I’d hoped - a little uncooked in the middle and brown on the bottom. I think I had a manic attack of the stirring-arm so the bread was also a bit gummy due to overmixing. Too much apple sauce too. But you know what? Whatever. Whatever! Chocolate chip banana bread is what I wanted and it’s what I gots. It’s actually pretty great after hanging out in the freezer and getting toasty in the toasty toaster oven. Besides, I got to prove to myself yet again that my measurement-eyeballing skills are not quite honed. And that, my friends, is a good lesson to learn.

So here’s the deal. In Kentucky, my official homestate, there’s a Derby. A horse race. A gathering of people in large hats holding mint juleps. This all goes down at Churchill Downs in Louisville. There are several recipes originating from Kentucky, including the Kentucky Hot Brown, Burgoo, and Kentucky Bourbon Balls. None of these recipes hold a candle (at least in my mind) to the gooey, rich, sticky mess that is Derby Pie.

BUT WAIT!

I am not allowed to call this recipe Derby Pie. No one is. No one except for the sweet people at Kern’s Kitchen in Louisville. These clever folks managed to PATENT the recipe originating at the Melrose Inn of Prospect, Kentucky. They have a pie, yes a PIE, registered with the Commonwealth of Kentucky. It’s really kind of incredible. So thanks to the creators of this pie, I bring you a veganized version of:

Chocolate Pecan Bourbon Pie

Recipe

Ingredients

1/2 batch of Pate Brisee or your favorite pie crust

2 C chopped pecans

1 1/2 C vegan chocolate chip

1/4 C soy milk

2 eggs worth of egg replacer (I just used corn starch since I was away from home and my kitchen full o’ goodies)

1/4 C bourbon

3/4 C maple syrup

1/2 t salt

Directions

• Prepare your pie crust and let cool for several hours.
• Preheat your oven for 350 degrees.
• In a large mixing bowl, whisk together soymilk and egg replacer.
• Throw into the soymilk mixture the bourbon, syrup, and salt, and mix thoroughly.
• Fold in the chocolate chips and nuts and pour into your pie crust.
• Bake until pie sets. It should take 40-45 minutes.

I am used to traditional recipe for this pie, and damned if this wasn’t as good or better than that! I might be cruisin’ for a bruisin’ with that statement, but California is a long flight from Kentucky and I doubt anyone is going to hop on a plane to come ‘git’ me. I did learn some valuable information from making this pie:

• I don’t need eggs
• I don’t need butter
• I don’t need sugar
• I don’t need milk
• … to put myself into a sweet pie induced coma.

Luckily I got to serve this thang to a bunch of vegans in Olympia at a wonderful potluck hosted by the generous Jayne. I had a really rough couple of weeks, work-wise, and was invited to spend some chill time at my parents home in Washington - so I flew up for a long weekend. I had the pleasure of forcing my way into a PPK Potluck while there! I have come to the broad generalization that vegans are great people. Period. Everyone brought food that was SO GOOD and I somehow managed to sample almost everything, as is made obvious by this red handed moment:

Cake! Donuts! Twix! Peanut butter chocolate chip bars! Tofu scramble! Mac n cheeze! Shortly after this picture was taken, I developed a massive headache from indulgance - so worth it. Apparently, I missed out on a Scrabble game by leaving early which means the day was not AS awesome as it could have possibly been, but it was up there. Meeting everyone was great - it’s good to know other West Coast-y vegans are out there.

I’ve got a stockpile of photos and recipes I need to post so expect to be bombarded in the coming week.

The other day, I recieved a package in the mail from my mom full of chocolate and pens topped with bunnies and plastic eggs. I scratched my head, wondering what game we were playing that involved mailing one another sweets and baby animals and went out to find a raccoon to FedEx back to her. After disguising myself under piles of garbage and hiding in a dumpster for an hour or five, I decided the lasting stench wasn’t worth it and carried myself home in the early morning light. Much to my surprise, when I arrived back at my apartment, there were hoards of small people rifling through my yard. I don’t like when neighbors trample our roses, so I ran screaming into the yard - flinging banana peels and cereal boxes along the way. How dare someone enter my private property to loot flowers - and on a Sunday morning! It was then, with the dozen or so sobbing tots dispersing in a mass flee and the hoard of angry looking adults encroaching on my personal space, that I remembered what holiday it was. And I thought Easter was in April?

What better way to recover from such a jarring realization than to hold a fancy ladies’ tea party in the park!? OK, the truth is I DID forget it was Easter and planned a tea party on Saturday without that knowledge - but it became an Easter-themed party anyway!

The whole shabang complete with Green Jasmine and Peach teas.

I made currant scones from The Joy of Vegan Baking by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau. This was my first time using this cookbook, and I was not disappointed! The scones I made are really small -roughly the size of a golf ball - and the tiny currants and cinnamon made them a perfect companion to afternoon tea.

I also made my first pie from scratch! This is a Blueberry Lemon Pie based on Veganyumyum’s Cherry Lime Pie. The Sound of Music was on television, so I whipped out my apron and felt like a serious domestic goddess rolling out chilled pie dough and prancing around my kitchen table with Julie Andrews.

The only thing I changed about the pie was, well … guess. I think next time I will half the sugar, only because after eating the pie I was able to run my PR time on a 5K distance. Guess we know what I’ll be eating next time a race comes around! Just call me shakey!

Finally, I made some *presh* chocolate birds nests with marzipan eggs. These were so cutesy I nearly shed a tear. I basically melted a chocolate bar and mixed in some crumbled Weetabix, formed them into nests in a mini-muffin pan and let them chill out. I made the marzipan eggs using food coloring and marzipan. Eeeeasy, bro.

Ain’t no robins in here!

I put out some real food too, including carrots with hummus and crackers spread with Tofutti cream cheese and an olive tapenade - only to pretend that I’m an adult who doesn’t eat pie and chocolate for every meal (What, mom? I swear I don’t).

It was such a gorgeous day that we decided to document it. We have made plans to turn this into an official ladies’ club and do lovely feminine things all the time now. And some not so feminine - midnight bike rides anyone?

Tree climbing commenced shortly after tea. I’m in the hat. Jay-Z told me hats are so necessary.

More beautiful tea party ladies!

The cold rainy weather here in L.A. is forcing everyone into warm cocoons of blankets and mountains of DVD’s. I think everyone was getting tired of holing up every night, so we decided it was time to break out of the rut and host a dinner party/board game night!

Luckily I had a ton of groceries sitting around begging to be used, so I improvised with what I had.

First was the mustard encrusted tofu over stir-fried kale and onions:

I sliced some silken extra-firm tofu, pressed it with paper towels to dry, slathered it in a mixture of spicy brown mustard, sesame seeds, and cornstarch and pan fried it on the stove. For the kale, I chopped up two garlic cloves and an onion and sauteed them until slightly brown. Then I added the kale and about 1/3 cup of water and sauteed until the onions were carmelized and the kale got soft. This recipe got rave reviews (hooray!) from my dining mates. The tofu was crispy and spicy on the outside and soft inside - perfect with the slight crunch of the kale and onions.

Next! Butternut squash fries! Love of my life!

I could seriously eat an entire squash in one sitting prepared this way. Ok, maybe I already have … In any case, these disappeared completely in about five minutes! My boyfriend especially loved them (you will notice that I couldn’t even get his hand out of the way to take a picture). I sprinkled them with about a tablespoon of olive oil and a dash of salt and roasted them in the oven at 450 degrees until crispy - about 30 minutes - flipping them over halfway through. Sooooo much healthier than french-fries and I swear they taste better too.

Dessert was Blueberry ‘Splosion Muffins following this recipe .

I made the strawberry version a year ago and about every month get a request to make them again! They’re so delicious. Sweet fruit bubbling out of the inside and the cinnamon struesel topping? Are you kidding me? Amazing. I made 12 and only had one left this morning for breakfast!

My favorite part:

Watching everyone dig in! This meal fueled us for a grueling game of Trivial Pursuit and a youtube viewing of the Democratic debates. Mmmmm brain food.